CASSIDY'S GIRL Read online

  CASSIDY'S GIRL

  David Goodis

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  1

  It was raining hard in Philadelphia as Cassidy worked the bus through heavy traffic on Market Street. He hated the street on these busy Saturday nights, especially during April when the rain came down hard and the traffic cops were annoyed with the rain and took it out on cabbies and bus drivers. Cassidy sympathized with the traffic cops and when they glared and yelled, he only shrugged and gestured helplessly. If they had a tough corner to patrol, he had a tough bus to steer. It was really a miserable bus, old and sick, and its transmission was constantly complaining.

  The bus was one of three owned by a small company located on Arch Street. The three busses went north each day to Easton, then back again to Philadelphia. Back and forth between Easton and Philadelphia was a monotonous grind, but Cassidy needed the job badly, and a man with his background always found it difficult to obtain jobs.

  Aside from the pay, it was emotionally important for Cassidy to do this type of work. Keeping his eyes on the road and his mind on the wheel was a protective fence holding him back from internal as well as external catastrophe.

  The bus made a turn off Market Street, went up through the slashing rain to Arch, went into the depot. Cassidy climbed out, opened the door, stood there to help them down from the bus. He had the habit of studying their faces as they emerged, wondering what their thoughts were, and what their lives were made of. The old women and the girls, the frowning stout men with loose flesh hanging from their jaws, and the young men who gazed dully ahead as though seeing nothing. Cassidy looked at their faces and had an idea he could see the root of their trouble. It was the fact that they were ordinary people and they didn't know what real trouble was. He could tell them. He could damn well tell them.

  The last of the passengers stepped off the bus and Cassidy moved across the narrow, damp waiting room, smoking a cigarette as he turned in his trip report to the supervisor. He walked out of the depot and took a streetcar down Arch, going east toward the river, the big dark sullen Delaware. He lived near the Delaware, in a three-room flat that overlooked Dock Street and the piers and the river.

  The streetcar let Cassidy out and he ran to the corner newsstand and bought a paper. He held the slanted paper over his head as he hurried through the rain toward home. The neon sign of a small taproom caught his eye and for a moment he considered the idea of a shot. But he let it ride because what he needed right now was food. It was half-past nine and he hadn't had any food since noon. He should have eaten in Easton but some company genius had made an abrupt schedule change and there was no other driver available at the moment. Things like that were always happening to him. It was one of the many enjoyable aspects of driving a bus for a two-by-four outfit.

  The rain was coming down very hard and he ran for it, He let the paper fly away through the rain and scooted the last few yards and leaped into the doorway of the tenement building. He was breathing hard and he was more than a little wet. But now it felt nice to be inside and climbing the stairway to his home.

  He walked down the hall and opened the door of the flat and walked in. Then he stood motionless, gazing about. After that he blinked a few times. Then he went on staring.

  The place was a complete wreck. The room looked as if it had been given a vigorous spin and turned upside down several times. Most of the furniture was overturned and the sofa had been sent crashing into a wall with enough force to bring down a lot of plaster and create a gaping hole. A small table was upside down. Two chairs had their legs broken off. Whisky bottles, some of them broken, most of them empty were scattered all over the room. He took a long look at that. Then his eyes leaped. There was blood on the floor.

  The blood was in little pools, a few threads of red here and there. The blood had dried but it was still shiny and the glimmer of it sent a burning spear through Cassidy's brain. He told himself it was Mildred's blood. Something had happened to Mildred!

  Countless times he had warned her against throwing these drinking parties while he was away on the bus route. They had fought about it. They had fought blazingly and sometimes physically, but he always had a feeling he couldn't win. In the core of his mind was the knowledge that he was getting exactly what he had bargained for. Mildred was a wild animal, a living chunk of dynamite that exploded periodically and caused Cassidy to explode, and these rooms were more of a battleground than a home. Yet, as he looked at the blood on the floor, he had a grinding, ripping fear that he had lost Mildred. The thought of it amounted to a kind of paralysis. All he could do was stand there and see the blood.

  There was a noise behind him. The door had opened. He turned slowly, knowing somehow it was Mildred even before he saw her. She was closing the door and smiling at him, her eyes going into him, then past him, her moving hand indicating the wreckage of the room. The gesture was only partially drunken. He knew she had a lot of liquor in her, but she was rather gifted when it came to carrying her liquor, and she was always fully aware of what she was doing. Now she was challenging him. It was her way of stating she had decided to throw a party and the guests had wrecked the place and did he want to make something of it?

  Silently he answered Mildred's silent question. He nodded very slowly. He took a step toward her and she didn't move. He took another step toward her, waiting for her to move. He raised his right arm and she stood there smiling at him. His arm sliced air and his flat palm arrived hard and cracking across her mouth.

  Mildred lost the smile for only an instant. Then it was there again, the lips and eyes aimed not at Cassidy but toward the other side of the room. She walked slowly in that direction. She picked up an empty whisky bottle and pitched it at Cassidy's head.

  It grazed the side of his head and he heard it crashing against the wall. He lunged at Mildred, but she had lifted another bottle and she was swinging it in little circles. Cassidy threw up his arms protectively as he swerved away. He tripped over a fallen chair and went to the floor. Mildred moved toward him and he expected to feel the bottle coming down on his head. It was an excellent opportunity for Mildred and she never failed to take advantage of an opportunity.

  But now, for some special reason that summed up as a puzzle, she chose to turn away from Cassidy, to walk slowly into the bedroom. As she closed the door Cassidy picked himself up, rubbed the side of his head where the other bottle had raised a lump, and felt in his pockets for a cigarette.

  He couldn't find a cigarette. He moved aimlessly around the room, discovered a bottle that had a couple of drinks left in it, raised it to his lips and took the two drinks. Then he gazed at the bedroom door.

  A feeling of vague uneasiness took root inside him and grew and sharpened and became acute. He knew he was disappointed because the battle hadn't continued. Of course, he told himself, that didn't make sense. But then there were very few elements in his life with Mildred that made sense. And lately, he recalled, there was absolutely nothing that made sense. It was getting worse all the time.

  Cassidy shrugged. It wasn't much of a shrug. It was more of a sigh. He walked into the small kitchen and saw more wreckage. The sink was ready to collapse under the weight of empty bottles and filthy dishes. The table was a mess and the floor was worse. He opened the icebox and saw the sad remains of what he had expected would be his meal tonight. Slamming the door of the icebox, he could sense the uneasiness and disappointment going away and the rage coming back. A few loose cigarettes wer
e on the table. He lit one, took several rapid puffs as he let his rage climb to high gear. When it reached that point, he barged into the bedroom.

  Mildred stood at the dresser, leaning toward the mirror as she worked lipstick onto her mouth. She had her back turned to Cassidy and as she saw him in the mirror she leaned lower over the dresser, arching her back and emphasizing her big behind.

  Cassidy said, “Turn around.”

  She arched her back a little more. “If I do, you won't see it.”

  “I ain't looking at it.”

  “You're always looking at it.”

  “I can't help that,” Cassidy said. “It's so damn big I can't see anything else.”

  “Sure it's big.” Her voice was syrupy and languid as she went on fixing her lips. “If it wasn't, it wouldn't interest you.”

  “Here's some news for you,” Cassidy said. “I ain't interested.”

  “You're a liar.” She turned very slowly and her body made a large smooth fat curving flow so that the sight of her as she faced him was thick and juicy, richly sweet and deliciously bitter. And as they stood there looking at each other the room was very quiet for Cassidy, his brain was quiet, containing only the knowledge of Mildred's presence, the colors of her, the lines of her. His eyes gulped and he was tasting the flavor of Mildred, his throat blocked as something heavy swirled in there and tried to prevent him from breathing. Damn her, he was saying to himself, goddamn her, and he tried to drag his eyes away from her and his eyes remained on her.

  He was seeing the night-black hair of Mildred, the disordered shiny mass of heavy hair. He was seeing the brandy-colored eyes, long-lashed, very long-lashed. And the arrogant upward curve of her gorgeous nose. He was trying with all his power to hate the sight of her full fruit-like lips, and the maddening display of her immense breasts, the way they swept out, aimed at him like weapons. He stood looking at this woman to whom he had been married for almost four years, with whom he slept in the same bed every night, but what he saw was not a mate. He saw a harsh and biting and downright unbearable obsession.

  Seeing it, knowing it for what it was, he was able to realize it was just that and nothing more. He told himself there was no use trying to make it anything more than what it was. He craved Mildred's body and he couldn't do without it, and that was the one and only reason he went on living with her.

  He was certain of that, and to the same degree he knew that Mildred had an identical feeling toward him. He had always been attractive to a certain type of woman, the hedonistic type, and it was because his body was powerful, thick, compact and very hard. At thirty-six he had the hardness packed into a stocky frame, the shoulders wide and muscular, the stomach flat and hard, the legs very thick and like rock. He knew that Mildred went for his looks, the wild curly wealth of pale blond hair, the dark gray eyes, the nose that had been broken twice but was still a good solid rugged nose. His skin was red and leathery and tough, and that was another thing Mildred liked. He nodded to himself, telling himself that aside from all these things, she hated his guts.

  He was four years older than Mildred, yet, every now and then, he had the feeling of being much younger than she was, of being a blind and blundering young fool who'd been magnetized by a powerful and experienced female. Sometimes it worked the other way. He visualized himself as an old and battered wreck, lured by the luxurious haven of the luscious lips and breasts, revitalized by the springtime rhythm of her swinging hips.

  She was swinging them now as she turned away and moved back to the dresser. She picked up the lipstick and resumed painting her mouth. Cassidy sat down on the edge of the bed. He took a final puff at the cigarette, let it fall to the floor and stepped on it. Then he took off his shoes, stretched out on the bed with his hands locked under his head, and waited for Mildred to come to the bed.

  He waited a few minutes, not conscious of waiting because he was anticipating their being in bed together. He had his eyes dosed and he could hear the rain banging away at the outside wall. There was something very special about making love when it was raining. The sound of the rain always had a certain wild effect on Mildred. Sometimes when it rained very hard she tore the hell out of him. In the summer, during electric storms, it seemed she snatched at the sky and used some of the lightning. He started to think about that. He told himself to quit getting his kicks thinking about it, and abruptly he was impatient for Mildred to come to him.

  Cassidy opened his eyes and saw her at the dresser. She was fixing her hair. He sat up and saw her nodding in approval at her face in the mirror. Then she was moving toward the door.

  Cassidy swung his legs over the side of the bed. He tried to keep the shock and alarm from his voice as he said, “Where do you think you're going?”

  “Out for the evening.”

  He moved rapidly, with a kind of frenzy. He took hold of her wrists. “You're staying here.”

  Mildred smiled at him. The smile was wide, showing her teeth. “You look like you need it bad.”

  His grip was hot metal around her wrists. He told himself to relax. She was only teasing him. Maybe it was some new technique to make him angry. She always seemed to enjoy him most when he was angry. He decided he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him hit the boiling point. His hands dropped away from her wrists and he shaped a nasty smile and said, “You got my looks wrong. All I need is food. I ain't had a meal since noon. Go in the kitchen and fix me supper.”

  “You're no cripple. Fix it yourself.” Again she turned toward the door.

  Cassidy grabbed her shoulders and swung her around. He couldn't hide his anger and it sizzled in his eyes, mixing with dismay as he said, “I pay rent here and I buy the food. When I come home at night, I'm entitled to a cooked meal .”

  Mildred didn't answer. She reached up and jerked his hands away from her shoulders. Them she pivoted fast and walked out of the bedroom. Cassidy followed her into the wrecked parlor, rushed past her and blocked the door.

  “Nothing doing,” he snarled. “I said you're staying here.”

  He was preparing himself for another battle. He wanted the battle to start here and now, to work its way across the room and then into the bedroom, to end there on the bed with the sound of the rain outside. Like their battles always ended, whether it rained or not. But tonight it was raining hard and it would be one of their special battles.

  Mildred didn't move. She didn't say anything. She just looked at him. He was sure now that some new and disturbing development had taken place and again he had the hollow feeling of uneasiness.

  His eyes dropped to the floor. He saw the blood, and he waved his hand toward it and said, “Who belongs to that?”

  She shrugged. “Somebody's nose. Or mouth. I don't know. My friends got into an argument.”

  “I told you to keep your friends out of here.”

  Mildred rested her weight on one leg. She put her hands on her hips. “Tonight,” she said, “we're not going to fight about it.”

  Her tone was strangely detached, and Cassidy said slowly, “What is it? What's the matter?”

  She backed away. It wasn't retreat. It was just to get a good look at him. She said, “You, Cassidy. You're what's the matter. I'm fed up with you.”

  He blinked a few times. He tried to think of something to say but he couldn't get any ideas. Finally he murmured, “Go on. Say it.”

  “You got ears? I'm saying it. I'm just fed up with you, that's all.”

  “For what good reason?”

  She smiled at him. It was almost a pitying smile. “You figure it out.”

  “Now listen,” he said, “I don't like these puzzle games. That's one thing you've never tried before and I won't let you start now. If you've got a beef, I want to know what it is:,

  She didn't reply. Not even a look. Her eyes rested on the wall behind him, as though she were alone in the room. He wanted to say something to re-establish verbal contact but something blocked his brain. He didn't know what it was and he had no desire to know wh
at it was. The only desire was a throbbing urge that blasted at him from the rainstorm outside and the lush and luscious female shape that was here in the room with him.

  He took a step toward her. She looked at him and knew what his plans were. She shook her head and said, “Not tonight. I'm not in the mood.”

  It sounded strange. She had never used that phrase before. He wondered if she really meant it. The room was cold with quiet as he stared at her and realized that she did mean it.

  He took another step toward her. She didn't budge and he told himself she was waiting for him to lay hands on her and then she would start to fight. That would be it. That would start the flame going. They'd have one hell of a hot battle and it would be blazing action in the bed. Then it would be as if she couldn't get enough of him and he wouldn't be able to pull away. And that was all right. That was fine.

  The sound of the rainstorm clanged in his head and he reached out and took hold of her wrist. He pulled her toward him and in that instant he felt the full impact of amazement and dismay. There was no fight. There was no resistance. Her face was expressionless, and she looked at him as though he had no identity.

  Very deep inside of him a warning voice told him to let go of her, to leave her alone. When a woman wasn't in the mood she just wasn't in the mood. And when it was that way, there was nothing worse than forcing the issue.

  But now that his hand was gripping her flesh he couldn't let go. He forgot that she wasn't putting up a fight, that her body was limp and passive as he took her into the bedroom. He was aware only of the bulging breasts, the rounded luxury of the hips and thighs, the presence that sent high voltage through every nerve and fiber of his being. He wanted this and he was going to have it and there was no other matter involved.

  He pushed her toward the bed and she fell onto it like something inanimate. Her face remained expressionless as she looked up at him. It was as though she were miles and miles away from what he was doing. He began to sense a sickeningly futile frenzy in his efforts to excite her. She just rested there flat on her back like a big rag doll and let him do as he pleased. He tried to be enraged and once he raised his hand to hit her, to get some kind of response, any kind, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. She wouldn't even feel it.